We are in firestorm energy. Can’t you tell?
If you’ve heard of Barbault’s Basket that we’re currently moving through, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
We are catapulting through some of the most intense energy I’ve ever known. An astro line-up over the next few weeks that is the standout of the century kind.
There is an electric pulse in me that has never felt more alive, and, what I’m learning more and more, is that THAT pulse IS me.
I sat in front of my magical mirror, in my Venice home at 3am on Sunday. Jetlagged, a few hours after landing back in LA on the 10 year anniversary of moving to America.
The mirror asked me….
With EVERYTHING that you now know about the last 10 years. The pain, the struggle, the endless uncertainty. With everything that you now know, would you do it again?
In a heartbeat.
I’d do it all in a heartbeat.
For the beauty these years have given me. For the version of myself I have now arrived to. I would do it ALL again in a heartbeat.
The big chunky piece of work I pitched for a couple of weeks ago never replied. Something that felt so aligned and I was excited by. Never replied.
Last night I got rejected by a man I was getting to know. And yet the gifts in the clarity, in the communication of it all, in the not taking any of it personally…. light-years ahead of what once would have been.
12 hours later I’m having coffee with another man who is probably reading this now. He quotes to me, ‘easy is the way for he who has no preferences’.
And that’s exactly how I feel in all of this. Whereas I would have once crumbled in the face of rejection from a potential client or lover…. There simply can not be rejection in a world where I am the pulse of it all.
My friend Tahra tells me, ‘There are always more men’. And I feel like God literally showed that to me in the most obvious way this morning. 12 hours later, there was another very good man in front of me. Seeing me. Listening to me.
There are always more men. There is always more money. There are always more doors to open.
THAT is the pulse that will keep beating for as long as this heart beats in this body.
It is the beat of feminine. The one that keeps bringing desires and dreams to my door. And some stay longer than others. But they keep arriving. They keep arriving.
And right now, that’s arriving back in LA. With a sense of aliveness and potential that has never been more potent. In how this business is being built, in how love and adventure is showing up on my door.
I keep being brought back to this concept of wholeness. Of both ends of the spectrum. Of being ok no matter what.
And yes of course I have a preference.
Holly from 2 weeks ago wanted to work with this client and help them build their business because it felt so aligned and exciting.
She wanted this fiery, big-hearted lover man in her life. She felt them both running in her veins as exciting possibilities in a summer heatwave in France.
And yet, here we are, without both. And I am so much more than ok. I am still alive with excitement without either.
Easy is the way for she who has no preferences.
For every time I have tried to force or engineer an outcome, it has not felt easy.
I want easy.
That’s not saying I don’t want to work, or put effort into things. But easy tells me when something is so very clearly for me.
AI is supposed to make a lot of things ‘easy’. My first experience of using it was far from that.
But I’m learning to find ease in my body first, and experiences come in around money and men that then match that.
My biggest takeaway from 2 months in Europe…. MY GOD what capacity I have to hold this all.
I got to witness just how much my capacity had stretched in moments that would have once seriously disturbed me. They felt FAR easier to navigate than ever before.
And capacity is felt in the body.
Capacity isn’t just something that arrives. It’s something that is stretched into. And boyyyy have I been doing some stretching.
I have been stretching into the ways I communicate with men, in how I give and receive in love.
I have been stretching into all the ways I want to build my business and how money actually serves me.
I have been stretching into all the possibilities of what I can create and experience in this one wild and holy, magical life.
And right now, I am open to it all. I desire to have no preference. What I am clear in though, is that no parts of me get left behind in this next phase.
Yes, I am building a business using AI tools. But I’m learning and trying and not doing so well at it at times, to doing so in a way that feels grounded and connected to my body.
I have to keep asking the question, how can I be of service here?
And right now that is by holding all these worlds of possibility in me.
All the faces of rejection and pain and fear, and smiles of pleasure and joy. How can I hold all of them, and still have no preference?
We are all story-tellers. If we choose to be.
Storytelling is MY service.
A journey of the last 10 years in California (mostly).
Everyone comes here to build something or to be someone. I had no idea why I was coming here. Initially it was to escape a life where I was miserable.
And 10 years later here I am.
I built a life I love.
I became someone I love.
And so none of the rest matters.
The who or the how don’t matter.
The pulse is me. I have no preference.
I will keep being met, by me.
—Holly Gottlieb (Founder, Whole Collective)
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